It’s Stew’s time to shine!
Every year for the past… I dunno… many of them, I have watched the Royal Rumbles, reviewed the Royal Rumble matches, and ranked them all in order of my own preference. And now it’s time for the 2024 editions. We’re going to be breaking down the matches, figuring out where the new editions fit in the all-time rankings, and then talking about the rest of the show as a whole.
The biggest question of the night is… Can the 2024 iterations match the fairly excellent 2023 offerings? I had both 2023 Rumbles ranked very highly; how will this year do? And in a year without the Sami Zayn storyline brewing over everything, will a Rumble actually get to main event the show?
That’s enough out of me, let’s get more from me, as the Royal Rumble starts!
WOMEN’S ROYAL RUMBLE
- Natalya
- Naomi
- Bayley
- Candice LeRae
- Jordynne Grace
- Indie Hartwell
- Asuka
- Ivy Nile
- Katana Chance
- Bianca Belair
- Kairi Sane
- Tegan Nox
- Kayden Carter
- Chelsea Green
- Piper Niven
- Xia Li
- Zelina Vega
- Maxxine Dupri
- Nia Jax
- Shotzi
- Becky Lynch
- Alba Fyre
- Shayna Baszler
- Valhalla
- Mia Yim
- Zoey Stark
- Roxanne Perez
- Jade Cargill
- Tiffany Stratton
- Liv Morgan
-Pat McAfee comes out to start the show as special guest commentator for the evening. Michael Cole is very excited, and Corey Graves is pissy about this development. They did this better last year, but they actually explain that by saying Cole knew in advance that Pat was coming out this time.
-Naomi is right into the match at #2 giving us our first “surprise” of the night. And I say “surprise” because even though I have been avoiding potential spoilers and reveals for who all is in town, even I knew that Naomi was going to be in this match. Either way, nuts to that; it’s great to see Naomi back in WWE!
-One of the assumed favorites, Bayley is out at #3 to a decent chant for her. I wonder if she will win… after GUNTHER and Rhea last year, we are kind of worn out on folks going (at least in Bayley’s case: essentially) coast-to-coast.
-JORDYNNE GRACE is in at #5! Announced as the TNA Knockouts Champion and carrying her title. I know they did this or something similar a few years back with Mickie James, but WHAT WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN?
-Michael Cole announces there have never been two winners to a Royal Rumble before, and COME ON, Michael Cole. You are better than that (and he isn ‘t just talking about the men either, as he mentioned the “overtime” segment between Cena and Batista).
-Asuka is out at #7, and Bayley is NOT happy about this. She seems very surprised to see her stablemate stealing her spotlight!
-Indie Hartwell is eliminated by Bayley after Asuka comes out, making Indie the first woman out of the match. Take THAT, Indie Wrestling! Wait, Vince is gone, never mind.
-The ring is filling up as of Kairi’s entrance, with only Indie having been eliminated so far. Which is weird because there are a lot of dead weight and a few bigger superstars (all of DMG DTRL, Bianca) who could be pitching them.
-As I type that, out goes Candice LeRae. But then Tegan Nox is in! So we’re still filling up. And then emptying, with Tegan tossing Natalya, then Bayley eliminating Tegan. Poor Tegan.
-Kayden Carter comes out, then she and Katana and Bianca get out Kairi Sane and Asuka–after a WILDLY impressive save from Kairi Sane where she Spider-Man’ed onto the side of the ring for several seconds–and this leaves Bayley yelling at them for getting taken out.
-Bianca Belair gets Jordynne Grace out after a KOD on the ring apron. Sick. Grace had an impressive showing, looking strong at all turns, even if she was not allowed to get anyone out. Could have lasted a bit longer, too, I guess.
-Nia Jax is out at #19, and here go several of the lower-end talents, right?
-Yes, because right out go Xia Li and Ivy Nile.
-Chelsea Green goes through a several minute spree of getting squashed and sandwiched between/by Nia and Piper Niven, giving us, I guess, our comedy segment of the match. It works because Chelsea is great at moments like that.
-Another prospective winner comes out with Becky at #21. She is one of the few talents who might get cheered against Rhea Ripley. It would be 50/50, anyway. The number of women who can say they would get that treatment is… very low. But there’s another who I think could do it…
-Michael Cole MARKS OUT for Valhalla wearing antlers, and hey, I get it: I mark out for stupid things, too. So no judgment from me, Cole! Not this time anyway. However, the bigger note is that R-Truth comes out at her spot, gets confused that the ring is full of women, and then gets thrown out by Nia Jax anyway.
While Adam Pearce runs out to straighten out Truth, Valhalla ties Chelsea Green for the shortest time in a Women’s Royal Rumble ever: 5 seconds. The antlers, they do nothing.
-Roxanne Perez! I’m cheering futiley for her! You can do it, Roxie!
-Jade Cargill finally debuts at #28, and here’s the other woman I think will get cheered against Rhea. She’s been my prediction to win for months now. She overpowers Jax and single-handedly bodyslams her over the top rope! Not the cleanest slam, but still pretty friggin’ good.
The camera then just lingers on Cargill and Becky marveling at what Jade did. This is how you make superstars.
Too bad Roxanne Perez didn’t get to bodyslam Nia over, though. Think what it could do for HER!
-Liv Morgan returns at #30.
-Roxanne is eliminated! Nooo! Call off the whole damn match.
Actually, it would have been neat to see Roxie make the final 5 or 6 or so. She could use it.
-Becky Lynch surprisingly goes out before the final four!
FINAL FOUR: Bayley, Jade Cargill, and Liv Morgan
Wait, that’s only three. Well, Bianca Belair and Tiffany Stratton are eliminated at the same time by Bayley. Sometimes things don’t work out as neatly as you’d like.
We get a repeat of last year where all three women end up on the apron, then Liv gets Jade to the floor with an exterior ObLivion and is immediately shoved out of the match by BAYLEY.
Bayley sets the Royal Rumble Iron Woman record at over 1:03 in the match, and these numbers mean NOTHING when they get annually broken, WWE. Come on.
This pretty much ensures Iyo Sky is making it to Mania as the world champion so DMG CTRL can explode. The pop for a babyface Bayley winning a title at WrestleMania… man, just thinking of that gives me chills. She’s been a heel forever at this point.
FINAL OVERALL THOUGHTS: Well, they forgot to give us a Final Four segment, and the Final Three we got instead felt a little derivative of last year’s, and it wasn’t particularly long or noteworthy. It even had Liv Morgan make it to the final two again, albeit just for a moment before she was eliminated. Bayley was the right winner since they are building to Becky/Rhea without needing the Rumble win, and the DMG CTRL story was getting to the point where they needed to do whatever they were going to do with her. The second act of the match had some major doldrums, but it was good besides that. Oh, and Cargill got introduced and looked pretty damn impressive. But if she wasn’t going to win, she should have come out earlier and had a more dominant run against the middle level talent.
9:24pm: After the Women’s Rumble kicked off the night, the second match is Roman’s title defense! Haha, nothing says “this match doesn’t really matter” like booking it second! But there are only four matches, so I anticipate all four get a substantial amount of time and feel important.
But still… booking Roman SECOND. Damn.
9:36pm: It’s wild–WILD!–that this is the first time Roman has defended in a Fatal 4-Way during this title reign. That’s crazy. WWE loves their multi-man matches and THIS is the first time–three and a half years in–that they’ve played the “He only has a 25% chance to retain!” card.
9:38pm: Michael Cole says he hears your complaints that Roman doesn’t defend that frequently, and he DOES. NOT. CARE. “Beat him”, he says.
I mean… they would if he defended more often.
(To be fair, I’ve defended Roman’s schedule. Quality over quantity, I say. What’s the point of 50 title defenses a year if 48 of them are at house shows where the title was NEVER going to realistically change hands? I’d rather have ten consequential defenses. But maybe that’s just me)
9:55pm: Randy RKOs EVERYBODY, then goes for the pin on Roman, and that brings out Solo Sikoa, who really should have just been there since the start. If you are allowed to cheat, why even start off NOT cheating, I wonder.
9:57pm: In a bit that’s counterintuitive to what we thought we would get, AJ Styles gets Roman, Orton, and LA Knight all stacked and tries for the triple pin. Orton, at the bottom of the pile, kicks out, though, shoving the whole pile off.
10:00pm: Predictably, Styles takes the pin in this match after a Spear. This bout was pretty good, if not ever truly great. It was entertaining, sure! I have zero issue with it as a match. It just never hit fourth gear for me.
10:07pm: The show is over two hours old, and we still have a US Title match coming up next. We are going to midnight tonight, aren’t we?
10:19pm: Working a HAND is not visually impressive, is it? It’s certainly realistic and worthwhile in a fight, but selling a hand doesn’t draw as much sympathy as, say, a knee or a shoulder.
10:23pm: KO selling the hand cost him a second on a pinfall attempt after a frog splash, so TAKE THAT, me. Hand selling factoring into the match. Who’d have thunk?
10:28pm: Actually a really good ending to this match, but I bet a lot of folks hate it: Logan gets the brass knuckles from Austin Theory, but KO takes them off of him. He blasts Paul with them and goes for the pin: 1… 2… the ref sees the knuckles and disqualifies him.
I like the finish because I bit HARD that KO was about to win the title. And it showed the referee being aware of what Paul has done before, so he was looking out for the knuckles. So lessons have been learned, and KO lost to his own emotions.
Post-match, KO runs wild and power bombs Paul through the announce table.
And with that… the Men’s Rumble Match is up next to close out the show!
MEN’S ROYAL RUMBLE
- Jey Uso
- Jimmy Uso
- Grayson Waller
- Andrade
- Carmelo Hayes
- Shinsuke Nakamura
- Santos Escobar
- Karrion Kross
- Dom Mysterio
- Carlito
- Bobby Lashley
- Ludwig Kaiser
- Austin Theory
- Finn Balor
- Cody Rhodes
- Bronson Reed
- Kofi Kingston
- GUNTHER
- Ivar
- Bron Breakker
- Omos
- Pat McAfee
- JD McDonaugh
- R-Truth
- The Miz
- Damian Priest
- CM Punk
- Ricochet
- Drew McIntyre
- Sami Zayn
-Pre-match prediction: Kazuchika Okada… will not be in the Rumble. But OH MAN do I want him to be. I will flip the hell out.
-Jey Uso is #1, and PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE let Jimmy be #2.
-Hahaha, I’m sure EVERYONE saw it coming, but yep. We start off with Jey and Jimmy.
-WHY is Jimmy so angry at Jey? THIS MAKES NO SENSE. Jey hating Jimmy, sure. But Jimmy cost Jey Roman’s title because he loved Jey and didn’t want him to become Roman.
NOTHING ABOUT JIMMY USO’S POST-SUMMERSLAM CAREER HAS MADE SENSE. I feel like the President of Crazyville watching everything that’s happened since then.
-Andrade “Cien” Almas or whatever we call him in WWE is back, making the first big surprise of the night since Jordynne Grace. Great to see him back in WWE! Hopefully they have plans for him. He seems to work this match as a babyface.
-After #5 (Melo), Hayes clotheslines out Grayson Waller to give us our first elimination of the Men’s Rumble.
-Dominik Mysterio is at #9, and it’ll be curious to see how well he does here. Will he be super selling for everyone? Or will he get the basic New Guy Domination push?
It starts off as neither, as he gets suplexed right away by Kross, then just kind of… immediately settles in to the contest.
-Carlito still has the apple spitting shtick, as he pulls it off to blind and then eliminate Escobar.
-Kross and Lashley each eliminate each other, then we get a BIG OUTSIDE BRAWL! The Authors Of Pain and The Street Profits all rush out to throw hands at each other.
I love big outside brawls! Stories continue to advance. Most modern Rumbles forget they can do this.
-One of the first favorites is out at #15: it’s Cody Rhodes!
And by that, I mean… one of two, right? There’s only two real shots at winning this match, and that’s… a little depressing.
You can win, Dom! I’m here for you! You’re #3 in the possibility pool, but #1 in my heart. And just look at how much that meant to Roxanne–I MEAN PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT.
-Brief but HUGE pop for Kofi Kingston’s entrance music, and while it’s possible the fans just love Kofi and New Day after all these years, I’m more convinced they thought Big E was about to come back. Just call it a hunch based on Big E’s voice kicking off the New Day song.
Man, I feel like I’ve been waiting for Big E to come back for forever. I hope he gets to wrestle again at all in life. He was so damn talented. One of my faves during his whole run.
-Bron Breakker goes on a TEAR, tossing Jimmy Uso and Finn Balor. Then he gets as face-off with GUNTHER! Welcome to the main roster, Bron!
-And then he Spears Ivar and tosses him, too!
-Pat McAfee gets the “Enter From Commentary” spot for the match. He refuses to even wrestle because he’s afraid of Bron and Omos, so he Drew Carey’s himself right out.
-Bron eliminates Omos! Then Dom Mysterio throws out Bron! Dom, yes! An angry Bron Breakker attacks JD McDonaugh as he walks down the ring.
-R-Truth gets the RIGHT #24 this time and throws JD into the ring so he could be flung right back out. Then R-Truth gets on the ring apron and waits for the tag from Dom. After Dom fights off GUNTHER, Truth gets the hot tag and runs wild. It worked and I laughed out loud because Truth is so damn earnest about all of his spots. Him working the crowd leading up to the tag was so adorable.
-R-Truth also saves Dom from getting tossed by The Miz, though Damian Priest comes out next and immediately throws poor Truth out.
-Here comes Favorite Number Two, CM Punk, at #27!
(Hang in there, Dom!)
Nevermind, Punk gets rid of Dirty Dom pretty much right away.
-Drew McIntyre is #29, so next up comes Kazuchika Okada. RIGHT?
-Oh right, it’s Sami Zayn! That’s how you get me to immediately forget about Okada, haha. Let’s go, Sami! Get the main event title match they didn’t give you last year!
It is one full year since Sami hit Roman with that chair, huh? Feels longer. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
FINAL FOUR: GUNTHER, Drew McIntyre, Cody Rhodes CM Punk
-Well… that is the exact Final Four I saw EVERYONE predicting would be the Final Four all day long, wow.
-McIntyre Claymores EVERYONE during a really solid Final Four stretch, he gets in Punk’s face and yells at him, then Punk flips him out.
-Cody powers GUNTHER out YET AGAIN (GUNTHER definitely has a Kryptonite in the form of Cody), giving us a final two of CM Punk vs Cody Rhodes.
-Quick question: did CM Punk have CM Plugs? Like, in his hair? Cause I’m not saying it looks like it, but it definitely looks like it.
-This final two is good, but it’s not as good as last year’s with Cody and GUNTHER.
-Punk hits a Pedigree, then says, “I know, can you believe I did that shit?”. Cody hit a Pedigree earlier in the night, too. HHH is in the back somewhere eating all the shit with the grin on his face.
-Cody wins, which is absolutely the right call because it’s easier and more sensible to get Punk vs Rollins without the Rumble since they are on the same brand.
FINAL OVERALL THOUGHTS: Truth’s spot here was, as usual with everything he does, hilarious. Bron Breakker got introduced to the main roster in a BIG way. Cody was the right winner, so it’s great to see the show go 2-0 in that regard, too. You had midcard subplot stuff advancement here, too, with Kross and his gang vs Lashley and his. We got just a taste of Jimmy vs Jey Uso. The Final Four was good, but not great. The Final Two was better, but still felt pale after last year’s. It’s a very good Rumble, that’s for sure.
UPDATED RANKINGS
BEST OF THE BEST (10/10):
2001 (Austin III)
TRULY EPIC RUMBLES (9/10):
-2010 (Edge I)
-2004 (Benoit)
-1992 (Flair)
THE GREAT RUMBLES (8/10):
-2007 (The Undertaker)
-2019-W (Lynch)
-2023 (Rhodes I)
-1997 (Austin I)
-1998 (Austin II)
THE QUITE GOOD RUMBLES (7/10):
-2008 (Cena I)
-2018 (Nakamura)
-2024 (Rhodes II)
-2021-W (Belair)
-2002 (HHH I)
THE ABOVE AVERAGE RUMBLES (6/10):
-2018-W (Asuka)
–2023-W (Ripley)
-2005 (Batista I )
-2016 (HHH II)
-2020 (McIntyre)
-2017 (Orton II)
THE AVERAGE, HO-HUMBLES (5/10):
–2024 (Bayley)
-2003 (Lesnar I)
-1989 (Studd)
-1996 (HBK II)
-2018 Greatest RR (Strowman)
-2019 (Rollins)
-2011 (Del Rio)
TOO MANY BELOW AVERAGE RUMBLES (4/10):
-1990 (Hogan I)
-2022 (Lesnar II)
-2022-W (Rousey)
-1993 (Yokozuna)
-1999 (McMahon)
-2020-W (Charlotte)
-1994 (Hart/Luger)
-2013 (Cena II)
-2009 (Orton I)
THE ACTIVELY BAD RUMBLES (3/10):
-2012 (Sheamus)
-1991 (Hogan II)
-2014 (Batista II)
-2006 (Mysterio)
-2000 (The Rock)
-2021 (Edge II)
THE TERRIBLE RUMBLES (2/10):
-1995 (HBK)
-1988 (Duggan)
THE WORST OF THE WORST (1/10):
-2015 (Reigns)
So that gives us an 8/10 and a 6/10. Not a bad night, and a HUGE upgrade over last year, where both matches were 4/10.
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