This week on Monday Night Raw, Shayna Baszler fled in terror from Alexa Bliss and her doll, Lily.
I honestly did not hate it as much as others did.
I mean, I hate where it’s going (Shayna putting over Spoopy Alexa), but as a segment? I was really into it. It was actually creepy when Shayna went backstage and no one was there. It loses a lot of coherency because WWE is very inconsistent on whether it wants you to remember cameramen exist or not (Shayna locked herself in a room with a cameraman, so why wasn’t the cameraman crying in fear?), but aside from that, Shayna and Bliss are both crazy talented performers. Speaking of inconsistency, though; Shayna acknowledges that Alexa can summon fire (blaming Alexa for their recent losses), but then forgets to be afraid of her when smashing Lily. Until she summons more fire.
It just had some enjoyable moments of genuine horror movie tension, though. I know it’s dumb–and where the hell do you go from here now that you have a magical horror doll?–but I didn’t hate it.
Bobby Lashley is STILL WWE champion, and that’s a lot more annoying to me.
LOOK: 7/10 – He is lean and chiseled and has a face that can express both joy and viciousness pretty well. “Shaved head” and “Long hair” are the two best looks for wrestlers, and Cesaro has one of those!
CHARISMA: 3.5/10 – This is the hardest thing in the world to judge. Unscripted Cesaro is humorous and engaging and seems like a witty, charismatic guy. Scripted Cesaro is abhorrent and nothing he says sounds believable. He always sounds like he is reading off a teleprompter. Could Cesaro play a decent badass if he was free to speak on his own? Who knows?
RINGWORK: 9.5/10 – I know he is considered one of the very best in the world, and I probably need to see more from his indie days. His WWE body of work is consistently excellent, but I don’t know that I’ve ever had him as a real MOTY candidate. He might be the most dependable modern worker aside from Daniel Bryan, though. Can you even imagine a Cesaro match that is less than 3 stars?
THOUGHTS: 20/30 – I love Cesaro as a guy, and I will watch him wrestle or goof off on UUDD all damn day. But honestly? WWE has probably booked him mostly right aside from when they completely missed the boat when he was red hot in 2014-2015. He’s one of the best tag team guys of all time, having formed decent-to-great alliances with Jack Swagger, Tyson Kidd, Sheamus, and Shinsuke Nakamura (to say nothing of his ROH work with Chris Hero).
LOOK: 8. Super tall, super ripped, super handsome. Super everything. Just look at the dude
CHARISMA: 5.5. He’s one of the most lovable guys in the industry, but that doesn’t really come across in most of his promos imo. His physical charisma is off the charts though
RINGWORK: 10. I think I’ve said it before somewhere, but a real behind the scenes story is that when a wrestler has an idea for a new move and they want to figure out if it’s humanly possible to pull off, they ask Cesaro to try it out. He’s one of the safest and most talented workers to ever live.
THOUGHTS: 23.5 might seem high to most people, but I truly believe Cesaro is one of the most underrated wrestlers of all time. His onscreen charisma is the only thing that really holds him back from being a legit all-time main eventer
ZACK SABRE JR
LOOK: 4 – He is “Just A Guy”. And it took me an EMBARRASSINGLY long time to be able to perfectly differentiate him from Will Osprey for some reason. Little, short-haired white dudes wrestling in Japan confused me, I guess.
CHARISMA: 4 – Sabre is the DEFINITION of stoic. He is more of a “I’ll let my submission moves do the talking” kind of guy. He has a general air of self-confidence, but that’s about it.
RINGWORK: 10 – Extremely talented, and I just love the kind of guy that seems to invent submission holds on the fly. He can bend and twist you in ways you’d never even thought of before. It’s fun watching him work, even though he isn’t flashy.
THOUGHTS: 18 – A solid midcard guy who can dominate lower indies and then be a minor force in places like NJPW. He’s talented as hell, but he lacks a good look or ability to get over on promos.
LOOK: 6. Good looking guy, but pretty tiny
THOUGHTS: I’ll be honest, I haven’t seen a lot of ZSJ stuff so this is mostly based on hearsay and the few clips I’ve seen.
DR. BRITT BAKER, DMD
LOOK: 4.5 – Britt is pretty much “The Standard Woman’s Wrestler”. If you showed me unlabled pictures of her, Tessa Blanchard, Deonna Purazzo, and Chelsea Green, there’s a good chance I’d get at least two, if not three or all four, mixed up.
CHARISMA: 9 – Her skits with Tony Schiavone when she was doing her Roll Model shtick were hands-down the best part of AEW. Since then, she has incorporated some ferocity into her humor, and she’s becoming a stunningly potent all-around personality.
RINGWORK: 6 – Chunks of AEW are kind of a blindspot to me (though I did actively seek out those aforementioned skits), and I’ve probably only seen two Britt Baker matches in my life that I sat all the way through. She seems reliable, though.
THOUGHTS: 19.5 – I know Wyntyr will probably give her a 30/30. It’s hard for me to judge her because AEW’s women’s division is AEW women’s division, and aside from Britt’s match with Rosa, they’ve trained me not to care about it.
LOOK: 8. Gorgeous, good athletic build. I’d give her a 10 for this pic alone if I could:
CHARISMA: 8. Such a smarmy asshole heel. Her character work is great, and she’s one of the few watchable females in AEW. She doesn’t need a belt to fantastically over, but I still hope she gets it soon
RINGWORK: 7. Again unlike most of the women in AEW, she’s safe and mostly botch-free. Nothing too flashy, but she doesn’t need it because her physical charisma is off the charts
THOUGHTS: I *love* Britt Baker, DMD. She didn’t immediately pop out to me, but every single time I saw her I fell more and more in love, culminating with her Lights Out match against Thunder Rosa. That match is honestly probably my favorite women’s match of all time. Britt, if somehow the stars align and you read this: leave your richer, much *much* better looking husband and run away with me to live in relative mediocrity. Please. Just… please.
That’s it for this week! As always, let us know what you’d rate these folks and also who you’d want us to review going forward!
Until next time… take care!