MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Wait, is that… this isn’t that holiday, is it?

Well, whatever; I found a store that was recently selling this flavor of Pop-Tarts, and while they feel like a holdover from the holiday season several months ago at this point, they are the Tarts I have for this holiday!

(Yes, these were definitely held onto for a while; this box expires THIS MONTH – 7/28/23)

((If you believe Pop-Tarts expire, and I’m not sure I do. I have eaten many a Post-Best-By-Date Tart, and they all seem to taste fine))

(((Pop-Tarts are The Highlander of food)))

I wasn’t sure what to expect from these Tarts, but when I took my first bite, it was so obvious: the filling is modeled after the cream you use to stick Gingerbread Houses together. OF COURSE. And the shell is gingerbread. Gingerbready, anyway.

They also smell DELIGHTFUL. Like Christmas memories. Or like, you know, gingerbread. Which is a charming little odor. Opening and toasting them? Man, I’d buy these just for that and then throw them away.

To eat? Not as good as they smell, but still a decent Tart. The problem, such as it could be, is that the sludge overpowers the gingerbread shell, and I was promised “Gingerbread”. Not “cream”. You could make this same Pop-Tart and call it “Cadbury Creme Egg”, and you get the same effect: I’m HERE for the outside (delicious Cadbury chocolate), but the sickly sweet cream overpowers that, so WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE?

Just buy Cadbury Mini-Eggs, the VASTLY superior Easter treat.

Wait, now I’m talking about Easter? This Tart has really gotten away from me.

Anyway, has anyone ever made a gingerbread house? Because I have only once.

And it turns out that after displaying it all holiday, you can’t actually eat it! That shit goes bad in a hurry.

It’s so weird. I wasted all of my time that year preparing a food that I was not able to eat. That feels like what you would go to hell for if I made up my own religion.

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TASTE: B

Good enough, but too creamy, not enough gingerbready.

SMELL: A+

There are a lot of fragrant Tarts, but these are one of the few I’d buy just to toast in every room of the house if I didn’t know that, like, candles existed.

HOLIDAY THEME: A

Christmas is WAY better than whichever Summer Grilling With Family holiday this is again. Even Easter is better because that’s when all the best candies are available.

OVERALL: B-

Smelling better than you taste is NOT optimal.

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