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Disclaimer: I have never been to a winery, never spoken to a sommelier, and don’t even know the difference between a merlot, and a Pinot noir. That being said…

GROCERY OUTLET WINE REVIEW #8: Beringer Main & Wine – White Zinfandel 1876?

Suggested price – $14

Grocery outlet price – $5.70 (I actually got this at Bel Air) 

Alcohol content – 10.0%

Tastes – flat cherry sprite, leftover capri sun

Pairs with – Black Forest gummy bears, gold fish, spam musubi

This is labeled as a white zinfendel, but it’s clearly pink. Strike one. I drank the whole bottle and barely feel like dancing or fighting. Strike two…. Beringer is on thin ice already. Speaking of ice… this is pallatable with ice, which is a bad sign.

I liked the flavor, but it’s not really a wine per se… really easy to drink and a good wine to serve to non wine drinkers, or people who don’t like alcohol in general. If I was recording season 7 of Cougar Town and wanted the street cred of having real wine on set for the talent, I’d get this “booze”. If you fasted for 2 days and weighed as much as Kristin Chenoweth, you may catch a buzz… but you’d better plan on finishing the whole bottle.

If I wanted a full bottle of questionable Capri Sun, I’d head to Big Lots and ignore the expiration dates. Nummy, but not good.

5/10 for wine

7/10 for juice

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GROCERY OUTLET WINE REVIEW #9: Carlos Rossi sangria – Sweet Pink & Standard red *year not given*

Suggested price – $ ???

Grocery outlet price – $ 0.89/can

Alcohol content – 8%

Tastes – (red) sour cranberry juice, fuzzy fruit, red NyQuil with simple syrup. (Pink) Sweet Tarts soaked in Sierra Mist.

For those in the know, Carlo Rossi is a staple of cheap wine. Some might call it the best of the worst, or bum wine. I call it a good bargain. This canned sangria was actually found at Winco, but I’m too lazy to change the template, and Winco is about the same as Grocery Outlet, just bigger.

The first thing I noticed was that each of the flavor options was carbonated. Is wine supposed to be carbonated? The standard red tasted like a standard Franzia box of red with some Sprite mixed in, then left in the fridge til it was almost flat. A little dry for a juicy red that would do well in the 19-25 year old junior college demographic, but full of flavor, and enough sour tang to know you’re gonna catch a buzz.

The sweet pink flavor was undeniably Sweet Tarts. Think of Sweet Tarts, then think of that as a soda that you would buy at a truck stop in Fresno, on your way to Southern California. It’s not good, but it’s also not bad. It checks all the boxes of a sweet pink sangria. Sweet? Check. Pink? Check. Sangria? I guess so… but it’s carbonated.

Since this is not the traditional bottle of cheap wine, and instead comes in mini cans, I opted to drink 6 with dinner, to get the full effect. And honestly, I was disappointed at the lack of vibe I was feeling. I feel more like I drank a large slurpee on a whim, and less like a just killed a space bag of Sutter Home with Doug the Bum behind the CVS after school.

I asked Bri to try both, since she hates wine, and alcohol of just about any shape or size.

Pink- “It stinks… it’s not bad. Tastes like grapefruit. Tastes much better than it smells.

Red- “You just called it bum wine, why do I wanna drink bum wine? I’m a classy bitch. It stinks. Smells like soy sauce. It really smells like soy sauce… i don’t like it. I like the pink one better.

Overall, the versatility of this tiny can is its strength. Which is not a good thing when you’re talking about wine.

5/10

You could do a lot worse, ok maybe not.