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Disclaimer: I have never been to a winery, never spoken to a sommelier, and don’t even know the difference between a merlot, and a Pinot noir. That being said…

GROCERY OUTLET WINE REVIEW #11: Silent Oak – Red Blend, Portugal 2017

Suggested price – $19.00

Grocery outlet price – $4.99

Alcohol content – 13.5%

Tastes – a hangover tomorrow, a “mat shot” (look it up), ocean spray white grape juice with the life drained out of it

Pairs with – grilled Muenster cheese sammich, lentil soup, a different bottle of wine

After taking my first sip of this red blend the first words out of my mouth was “this is ungood, I don’t like this at all.” I then contemplated popping open a different bottle, but then realized I must have integrity. I took an oath as a fake reviewer, and you have to take the good with the… whatever this is.

The taste is dry. Too dry. What I’d imagine strike-anywhere match heads, or salvia tastes like. Reaching deep into my finely tuned tastebuds, I recognize the flavor of Capri Sun Wild Cherry, activated charcoal tablets, and the dry air in your nostrils after clapping blackboard erasers in 2nd grade.

I know that red blends don’t follow any sort of rhyme or reason, that it just means it’s a mix of any number or percentage of reds, to come up with the desired flavor… but I’m used to a more juicy mouth feel, and a sweet taste. I can’t imagine this final taste was anyone’s desired result.

The cork says “life is too short to drink bad wine. Drink Fuzia” I was foolish enough to think this was a fun slogan, when in reality it was a warning. Like the entrance to an Indiana Jones type Temple, I should have turned back. The funny thing is… this isn’t even a Fuzia wine. They stole the damn cork!

3/10 – not worth the $4.99