I do not for the life of me understand the usage of the word “Chocolatey” here. Could we… could we really not just call these “chocolate chip pancakes”. What does calling them “chocolately” add to the equation? Are we implying that these aren’t chocolate, they are just chocolate-y? Chocolate-adjacent? The idea of chocolate?

But here we are with another Breakfast Flavored Breakfast edition of the PTQ. We have at least previously had Eggo Waffles flavor, and…

You know what?

I’m just going to say it.

Pancakes kick the heck out of waffles. Not necessarily in terms of Pop-Tart flavors–we’ll get there–but in terms of the actual breakfast food. Pancakes are far superior to waffles.

Waffles are the stale crackers of breakfast food. They are strangely crunchy like you are just eating the crust of bread, and you can buy them frozen and just toast them to life; who trusts that? If you offered me frozen pancakes, I would not believe in them! Pancakes are supposed to be fluffy and delightful. They are so sweet and soft.

What do waffles have in comparison? Those little syrup pockets? Man, who cares about that? With pancakes, you get to slide their delicate cakiness around your plate as they absorb the syrup! The syrup becomes one with the pancake! With the hard, crusty waffle, the syrup remains unbonded; a separate flavor entity, and never the two shall mix.

Here’s the secret, though: French Toast is better than either. WHEN DO I GET FRENCH TOAST FLAVORED POP-TARTS, KELLOGGS?!

ANYWAY…

I’m not sure what these Pop-Tarts taste like, but it isn’t a pancake. I guess there is a touch of chocolatey-ness to them, too, but it’s barely a hint. The inside of these just tastes like sugar. Maybe I’m getting too old for Pop-Tarts, but the sludge here is just sweet; it’s nothing like what I think of when I think of a pancake.

Disappointing, really.

But not “bad”. I mean… “sweet” is good. But I was expecting something a little… syrup-forward. And… I don’t know. More like a pancake. Do I just not know what pancakes without syrup on them taste like, perhaps?

I think I might be going crazy. Do I need to make pancakes and eat these side-by-side? These REALLY just taste like sugar to me. But… pancakes have sugar in them, right? Have I just forgotten what foods taste like?! Is this the end of Pop-Tart Quest?!

No. No, THAT would be crazy.

TASTE: C+

-I’ll finish this box, but something about it will always feel off to me.

CHOCOLATEY CHIPS: A-

-Better than the usual Pop-Tarts flavor crystals, that’s for sure. But they have a flakey, non-chocolatey-after-all texture to them. And they don’t add much chocolate flavor to the proceedings.

PANCAKES: B

None to be found HERE, that’s for sure. But somewhere between French Toast (great!) and waffles (trash food) in the breakfast scheme of things.

DISCOVERY: A

While looking up a picture of these for the article, I found that Kelloggs at one point made Mint Chocolate Chip Pop-Tarts! Why couldn’t they remake THOSE instead?! They sound amazing.

OVERALL: D+

I feel like they barely tried on this one. Just a generic Pop-Tart flavored interior and a basic shell. Poor outing!