This has not been my best weekend, and I wasn’t sure I was going to have it in me to write up Money In The Bank. But I’m here, and I’m going to give it a fair shot.

The problem being–as much as you care, so I’ll keep it short–is that my best boy, Nuke the kitty cat, is quite sick. He has lot about two pounds in the last month-plus, and he is showing little interest in eating.

We took him to the vet on Thursday, and he has an enlarged/inflamed liver, as well as some off-the-charts high levels in his blood test. He goes back on Monday for an ultrasound, and I’m hoping we can cure what ails him. I love that cat.

Okay, that’s enough of my lamenting. Let’s get into Money In The Bank 2025:

---

7:08pm: As predictable as it is–and maybe even called out during the Pre-Show, but I was too busy writing a review of Godzilla 1954 to pay attention to it–the Women’s Money In The Bank ladder match kicks off the show, and Alexa Bliss is the first woman introduced on tonight’s card.

I believe, but have not confirmed, that Naomi is the betting favorite for tonight’s match. Which is wild considering Giulia, Stephanie Vaquer, and Roxanne Perez are all debuting in this match. I have to figure the feelings are that those three–especially Roxanne–have years ahead of them to win the briefcase.

But I want one of them to win it NOOOOOWWWWWW.

7:10pm: Roxanne Perez is second out, and while I don’t intend to comment on every single entrance, I want to take a moment to condemn the absolute sub-human scumbag who was threatening her life on Twitter (as well as the equally abhorrent individual who was doing the same to Dominik Mysterio). There as aspects of humanity that are truly disgusting and terrifying, and if all was right in the world, we wouldn’t see pitiful displays like that. It’s good to see Perez safe and healthy and sound tonight.

7:17pm: I pointed this out once on Twitter, and I shall repeat it here: I don’t know what it is about Giulia, but she looks like she would smell delightful.

Is that creepy? I don’t mean it to be. She just looks like she smells nice. Innocently! She… I just… I…

Okay, I’ll stop now. There’s no way to make this sound how I mean it to, is there?

7:18pm: As the match starts, there are a LOT of empty seats here tonight. Especially on the side facing the hard cam. Not a good look! Hopefully it fills out by the match’s end.

7:25pm: Roxanne Perez reverses a Razor’s Edge onto a ladder with a hurricanrana, but both women take a nasty little bump onto the steel. Hope they’re all right, but Roxanne keeps going right on the offense, so I assume she is fine.

7:28pm: Do I out myself as an old man if I say I hate the drone shots WWE is so in love with these days? The camera quality is NOTICEABLY worse when they switch to a drone, and it seldom shows something that a regular camera doesn’t.

I’m probably shouting at clouds, I guess. Or drones!

7:37pm: Stephanie Vaquer with the Devil’s Kiss to Rhea Ripley on a bridged ladder! Nice! I’d still rather if she didn’t use that move every match–like Penta’s Sacrifice, it really feels watered down at this point–but that was a good spot.

7:39pm: Stereo Pop Rox from Roxanne and Alexa Bliss to Vaquer and Naomi on the bridged ladders! Great moment.

7:42pm: Speaking of twinning movies, Alexa and Rhea twin their finishers on Roxanne and Giulia, leaving them to fight over the briefcase atop the ladder.

7:43pm: Seconds after the struggle between Bliss and Rhea, Naomi tosses them both off of the top, then she goes up and wins the match, predictably. With a drone shot of her at the top of the ladder! Good for her, I suppose. Like I said… Vaquer, Giulia, and Perez will all be fine in the future.

Hopefully!

7:51pm: Up next is Dominik Mysterio vs Octagon Jr., a match that was set up earlier today at Worlds Collide. For no reason whatsoever, Dom put the Intercontinental Title on the line. I guess he is dumb now? Oh well. It’s not like OCTAGON JR. is about to win that title.

7:57pm: I bought some blueberries at the grocery store earlier, and they are awful. The thing about blueberries is that when they are GOOD, they are the very best kind of berry. But when they aren’t good, they are just gritty and bland. Blech.

8:03pm: Oh wow, that was fast and almost a squash. Poor Octagon didn’t get to do much at all. He had a little offense, sure, but Dom controlled almost all of the match. Take THAT, AAA!

8:05pm: El Grande Americano is going to use a Fireball branded ladder during the Men’s Money In The Bank match. I guess that might as well happen. Following that vignette, we get a commercial with Jey Uso, Big E, and a tiny horse. I do not recall what they were advertising. But it had a tiny horse! Let’s assume that was for Fireball, also.

8:08pm: Next up, another Intercontinental Title match. This time, for the Women’s iteration of that championship. Lyra Valkyria vs Becky Lynch.

8:14pm: Lyra Valkyria comes out with her silly wings on her hands/arms, and I don’t really get her “I’M A BIRD!” gimmick, but I suppose it’s original-ish. Those wings will never not look dumb, though.

8:16pm: Man, Wade Barrett is really trying to out-annoy-me Pat McAfee tonight, and that’s hard to do. But he is really yelling and slipping over his words and just being an over-the-top heel announcer. I appreciate a solid throwback heel commentator, but he feels like he is just cosplaying as one. Is this what I miss by not getting to watch Smackdown? I’m okay with that.

8:22pm: Lyra with the beautiful full-vertical spike sell on a DDT! That’s an underrated selling technique.

8:27pm: Good match so far! These two are very talented. Hopefully the WWE Women’s division undergoes a big change in the next year or two, and we see women like Lyra and the trio from the earlier match at the top of the card all the time.

8:28pm: LYRA KICKS OUT OF A SUPER MANHANDLE SLAM! Wow! I thought for sure that was the end!

8:30pm: Both women trade finishers on the floor! Then they race in at 9 to beat the count. This match continues to rule.

8:31pm: Becky wins after swapping a few roll-ups in the ring, and Lyra looks about as good as possible in defeat. Cole is even selling Becky pulling Valkyria’s tights. Man, WWE is all in on Lyra, aren’t they?

8:35pm: After fulfilling her end of the stipulation, Lyra was humiliated by Becky, so the former hit a German Suplex and the Nightwing. This feud must continue! And after their last few matches, I am okay with that. Let’s run it back again.

8:38pm: The Men’s Money In The Bank match is next, which means Cena/Logan vs Jey/Cody is the main event? Really? This show has drastically misestimated which match I care more about.

8:48pm: I took a break to go check on Nuke, and he ate some crunchy food. So that’s great! As I come back, El Grande Americano is being introduced. This whole match should be fantastic, right? I assume Seth is the favorite, but that doesn’t make loads of sense to me, as he could get title matches any time he wants, and he has a gang to give him an advantage. He really doesn’t need this.

8:56pm: Haha, all is forgiven for Wade Barrett when he argues that El Grande Americano and Chad Gable have entirely different nipples. Moments later, Michael Cole notes that Google searching for El Grande Americano redirects to Chad Gable on Wikipedia. SOMEONE GET EL GRANDE HIS OWN WIKI PAGE!

9:03pm: Is this the first year the briefcases have been branded with sponsorship? The briefcases are brought to us by CashApp apparently. I feel like they did that last year now that I think about it. Never miss a chance to make a buck while gouging seat tickets prices, WWE.

9:12pm: Several minutes into the match, we finally get the Fireball ladder. Americano does a ladder tornado with it and takes everyone out!

9:14pm: Two minutes after the Fireball ladder comes out, Americano further weapons-up by placing the metal plate in his mask. He’s getting ALL the advantages!

9:18pm: Speaking of advantages, Seth Rollins begins calling out for his gang to come help out, so here are Bronson Reed and Bron Breakker. The two of them begin destroying everybody! Heyman eventually directs the minions to Solo Sikoa, and that brings out Jacob Fatu and JC Mateo. FOUR BIG MEATY MEN SLAPPING MEAT! Big E has just reached the point of climax.

9:21pm: FATU HITS A POP-UP SAMOAN DROP ON BRONSON REED! Crazy! Fatu sets up a ladder for Solo to win the match… then shouts “I HATE YOU” and pulls Solo down! Bunny hop moonsault to Sikoa! Then a Spinning Solo through a ladder!This match is overbooked all to hell, and I love it, haha.

9:27pm: Seth Rollins overcomes his last obstacle, LA Knight, and wins the Money In The Bank. Like I said above: feels unnecessary, but I love Seth, so I have few qualms. I’ll take it!

9:41pm: It’s the ring entrance for Cody Raheem Rhodes! For the first time since Wrestlemania, he is going to compete. Which was less than two months ago, so it’s not THAT big of a deal. Next up is Jey Uso’s crowd entrance, so I should have as few minutes to fill up my water.

9:44pm: JUST ME, UCE! DAY ONE-ISH! It IS a good song, I mean. I Yeeted at WrestleMania. It was fun; I see the appeal.

9:45pm: Logan Paul further heels it up to me by using his own poor quality drone.

9:51pm: When Alisha Taylor was introducing John Cena as the “LAST REAL CHAMPION” or whatever, I really thought she was going to say “THE LAST ACTION HERO”.

Underrated movie.

My attention span is all over the place, I guess.

9:56pm: R-Truth should interfere in this match, and then everyone has to remind him he is fired. Then he goes “Oh, my bad, dawg,” and just sadly walks off while the fans chant “We Want Truth”.

9:58pm: Jey Uso and John Cena are going at it, and the fans chant “You can’t wrestle” / “Yes he can”. I want to say “The IWC feels the same way!”, then I realize they are talking about CENA.

10:03pm: How did I JUST NOTICE the bottom turnbuckles are 7-11 branded? Wow. Remind me again why tickets cost what they do these days? That 7-11 sponsorship really couldn’t have paid R-Truth’s bills, huh?

10:06pm: Logan Paul and John Cena start bickering, and it goes on long enough for Jey Uso to SLOWLY crawl to his corner and make the hot tag. Decent spot; I actually L.O.L.’ed.

10:11pm: Logan Paul, on the top rope, summon his drone. While celebrating, Cody hops up and Superplexes him, which we see in Drone-Vision. And OKAY. I guess a regular cameraman can’t do THAT. Fair enough.

10:13pm: Logan Paul goes for an Asai Moonsault all the way through the commentary table. I say “There’s no way he reaches…”, and then he just DOES.

10:15pm: HAHAHA R-TRUTH ACTUALLY DOES INTERFERE, COSTING JOHN CENA THE MATCH. That was glorious, and I am prophetic. That 7-11 sponsorship DID pay off!

Even without the R-Truth spot, that was an exceptional match. I had a lot of fun with that one. This was a pretty good show, all told.

But what did YOU think? Let us know in the comments!

Until next time… take care!