Let’s get it right out of the way: No, I had never watched Raiders Of The Lost Ark before now. No, I don’t know how that is, either. It’s just one of those flicks that I never found myself having a chance to watch.

Oddly, I watched Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade a few years back. And I definitely saw at least part of Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Doom as a kid (not that I remember much about it). But Raiders? Nope!

Look, there are classics we have all missed out on; you know it’s true. No judgment here, says the guy who doesn’t want you to judge him for just having watched Raiders. But this is why I put so much effort these days into watching movies I’ve never seen before rather than rewatching the ones I love; so I can eliminate some of these massive cinematic blindspots.

Maybe some say I’ll get around to watching Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back. But don’t count on it. Those non-watches of mine are more like a badge of honor at this point.

Do I really need to do a plot synopsis for RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK? Sure, I guess, but let’s make it brief. We’ve all seen it (now that I have). Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones is a history teacher by day and an archaeologist by… other days. His version of archaeology is way more adventurous than what I personally picture it to be, as the movie opens with his climbing through a heavily booby-trapped ruin to find an ancient golden statuette. I don’t think a lot of archaeologists die in the line of duty in real life, but in Indy’s world they sure would!

After that intense opening, Indy i called upon by the government to chase down a group of Nazis who think they have the location to the Ark Of The Covenant–the carrying container for Moses’ Ten Commandments. Always eager for adventure and to secure important history, Jones says yes… and the hunt is on!

TWO UPS AND TWO DOWNS

+ I love that Indiana Jones is a solid hero, but requires a LOT of help to get by. In just the first hour-plus, Marion, Sallah, and a group of children all save his life. He isn’t some unstoppable force of goodness; he needs luck and his friends to survive. It makes him far more relatable as a protagonist, and it makes the peril in which he finds himself feel that much more real.

+ The direction is appropriately tense and creative from arguably the GOAT, Steven Spielberg. The use of shadows and lighting to hide and highlight things, for instance, is exceptional. This is a movie that doesn’t shy away from the use of blood and violence, but it also has the decorum to be coy about such things when it wants to. Why show a splash of blood and a fatal wound when you can show it in shadow, instead? Then it’s artsy!

I joke, but I do think Spielberg is the most talented and intelligent director of all time. He just gets it, whether “it” is how to properly do a jump scare or get the most out of your actors or stage and frame a scene. He is an absolute master at his craft, and nothing I say here will be any better than what countless others have written about the Academy Award winner over the years. But with Raiders of the Lost Ark, Spielberg could have settled for making a big, dumb action movie. But he didn’t. Or maybe he did, and Spielberg’s “settling” is still better than almost any other director on Earth at their best.

Regardless, I was impressed all the way around here. The action scenes were magnificent. The more frightening scenes were taut with grippable tension. Just… more fantastic work from Steven Spielberg.

– I know I’m far from the first person to critique this, but writing that Indy and Marion had a relationship when she was a child sure was a choice. You could have so easily just… NOT done that. It’s not integral to the plot, and it just makes him feel dirty and MUCH less heroic. I don’t want to cheer for a rapist, you guys. It makes me feel like a bad person.

Maybe I’m diving too hard into this (and hey, every movie has to have Downs anyway), but I knew about that legacy of the movie, and Marion referring to herself as a child still really gave me the icks.

– Is it blasphemy to say this is too long? Everything from Indy getting on the boat and leaving Cairo to just before the Ark’s opening is kinda of tedious and feels like it’s there just to fill time. Easily the worst part of the movie. I kind of zoned out for much of it. I felt like the film and the screenplay lost some focus during all of that and was just stretching itself out. If you eliminate all of that–if you have the Nazis just try to open the Ark in Cairo–you are left with a much tighter 100 minute or so film that has absolutely no fat around the edges.

I’m sure someone out there might say “But my favorite scene is the boat stuff” or whatever. But for me? It all felt super extraneous.

OVERALL

It’s a solid 20 minutes too long in the third act, as I went into in the second Down there, but that’s really the only problem with this certified classic that has long earned its place as a renowned hit. It’s RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, baby. Everyone on Earth besides me had seen it before this year, and almost everyone on Earth deservedly loves it. While “love” might be a strong word for me, I had a ton of fun with it, and it’s impeccably made. Fantastic stuff, for sure. Sorry it took me so long.