NOW THIS IS WHAT IT’S LIKE WHEN WORLDS COLLIIIIIIIIIDE!! ARE YOU READY TO TART? CAUSE I’M READY TO TART… WAIT, SORRY. BUT YES, OUR COMIC BOOK PODCAST WEBSITE THAT REGULARLY REVIEWS POP-TARTS IS ABOUT TO CROSS THE STREAMS, BABY! THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST!

I mentioned these last week, and I alluded to getting around to talking about them someday, but I thought “No, my readers deserve better. They deserve to know about comic book Pop-Tarts RIGHT NOW”. Also, this saves me from having to actually eat any Pop-Tarts this week.

(After 18 weeks of these, and how many times I say it each article, it dawns on me that I may have typed or written the word “Pop-Tart” more than any human being alive, including but not limited to: the one who named them and the person who prints their boxes in the Kelloggs factory on Mount Pop-Tart)

But yes, these are the previous sugar cookie Pop-Tarts that I have had, and they were MUCH better than the Splitz version of Sugar Cookie, which tasted vaguely of nothing. It was null taste. If you described the flavor in Spanish, it would be “nunca”. But these… they were actually pretty good. Sweet, with almost a genuine, honest-to-Ra melted-sugar-cookie consistency to the Tart sludge. I can’t imagine that just tossing it in a brown (sorry,… “chocolate“) shell was the basis for all the difference here. DC Comics Sugar Cookie and Splitz Sugar Cookie are as different as eating a sugar cookie is from eating a picture of a sugar cookie.

Look, I’m trying to say “sugar cookie” that paragraph as many times as I have said “Pop-Tarts” in my life to this point, apparently. Just try to keep up.

All that said, these weren’t just a delightfully flavored Tart; they were well-dressed, too! Do I “NEED” Lex Luthor or Captain Cold on my Pop-Tart?

I mean, yes, obviously. I didn’t know it before I tried these, but now I very clearly do. It’s time to start deducting the points of all future Pop-Tarts that don’t have comic book antagonists on them because…

…huh. It turns out that when you toast these, they kind of make it look like Bane has herpes sores. And a gaping gunshot wound to his head.

Maybe…

Maybe I don’t need these after all.

Taste:

B : WAY better than the Splitz, that’s for damn sure! And good, but not terrific or anything. Just good.

Being Thematic:

A+ : Maybe Andy won’t cancel the #PTQ now because I tied it all in! I’m doing my best out here!

Toasted-to-Untoasted Ratio:

0% : I mean, just look at what it did to poor Bane up there. He doesn’t deserve that. The taste difference is negligible. But the thought of eating herpes-infested Bane stays with you always.

Overall:

A- : These were a solid Tart taste wise, AND they made me feel both immature and super happy to eat them.