Pop-Tart Quest: Spider-Man

Image result for j jonah jameson
Image result for spider berry poptarts
Image result for j jonah jameson

Man, Pop-Tarts never misses an opportunity to just print a picture on a Tart and call it new. Fun fact, the #PTQ skipped

Image result for my little pony pop tarts

entirely because they are just Cherry Pop-Tarts with a picture of some kind of weird horse/narwhal hybrid on them. I actually thought those were My Little Pony branded Tarts, but… I guess they aren’t? They are just Generic Cartoon Unicorn. Kinda look like My Little Pony. I hope no one got sued over that.

Here’s the thing… I like Cherry Pop-Tarts. Of all the fruit tarts, they might be the reigning champion. I might actually end up buying those. For… research. What a great way to start my new job this month. “Hi, I’m training, and these are my pretty pretty unicorn Pop-Tarts. Have you heard the good news about #PopTartQuest?”

Wait, how do you do Unicorn Pop-Tarts and not somehow make the sludge rainbow colored? Step up your game, Pop-Tarts! It’s, like, the ONLY thing people associate with unicorns! I’m sure you can figure that out!

ANYWAY, So these Far From Home themed Tarts are Spidey Berry! Spideyberries are not found in nature, but are actually futuristic StarkTech. They grow only deep within the remnant of Avengers Tower on the only know Parker Tree. They taste like… pretty much any other fruit-flavored candy in the world. It’s pretty basic stuff, really.

I am actually not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, I’m a big fan of printing nonsense images on breakfast treats. I went to an IHOP once that ironed on a photograph of The Gobbeldy Gooker on my eggs. But on the other hand, if Pop-Tarts are going to come out with new flavors, I would prefer they were, you know, NEW FLAVORS. I can only meander on so much about unicorns because you YET AGAIN dressed up Strawberry Pop-Tarts, Kellogg’s!



Amount of Filling:

A+ : Honestly, the most noteworthy aspect of these Tarts was the sheer AMOUNT of filling inside them. Maybe it was a fluke in the two I ate, but they were positively DRIPPING with Pop-Tart sludge once I bit into them. They may have fired all their Flavor Chefs, but they aren’t skimping on the guys who fill these Tarts.

Great Responsibility:

B: These Pop-Tarts do not have nearly as much power as you would hope, so their level of responsibility is more middling.

Toasted-to-Untoasted ratio:


Image result for far from home molten man


B- : I guess I am impressed with the amount of sludge offered up here, so that’s something. If the Tart was flat-out BAD, it would be a negative, but as it is, it just feels like they are at least making up for their laziness.

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