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Disclaimer: I have never been to a winery, never spoken to a sommelier, and don’t even know the difference between a merlot, and a Pinot noir. That being said…

GROCERY OUTLET WINE REVIEW #5: Qualitätswein Mosel – Relax Riesling 2014

Suggested price – $12

Grocery outlet price – $6

Alcohol content – 9%

Tastes – organic unsweetened fruit roll-ups, dandelions, baby scorpion poison, peaches?

Pairs with: Tuna casserole, California Lotto quick picks, haggis, Coors light

This sweet-as-dirty-sugar Riesling had a lot of promise when we picked it out. From the cobalt blue glass, to the malt liquor style type-face and label design and blurb on the back that bills it as “The perfect party wine” that being said… calling yourself a party wine and being 9% ABV are two mutually exclusive things. I’m two glasses in, and the only buzz I feel is the disdain I have for the dirty unwashed fruit flavor lingering on my teeth after 15 minutes of drinking this cheap-ish dessert wine.

The smell is reminiscent of a well-worn undershirt after you leave it in the washer for a couple days before washing it. I drank this with a few friends while getting a group game of Rocket League started, and no one wanted to drink it without heavy persuasion. Once it hits the back of your throat, it’s acceptable but not particularly memorable one way or the other. It’s got heavy fruit flavors, peach… apricot… nectarine after 6 days on the countertop during summer, but that’s about it.

There’s a slight bit of “sparkle” to it, which is a nice way to distract you from the overall bad experience.

Don’t buy this wine. There, I said it.

3/10

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GROCERY OUTLET WINE REVIEW #6: Undeniable – Cabernet Sauvignon 2016

Suggested price – $28

Grocery outlet price – $7

Alcohol content – 13.5%

Tastes – watered down Apothic Red, fermented grapes, you get the idea

Do you remember the first time you drank red wine? You likely winced at the taste and acrid burning on your throat and mouth. Now… do you remember the time after that? For me, since I was expecting a terrible experience, the wine tasted watered-down and bearable. I thought to myself, “This is what good red wine tastes like”

Undeniable tastes like that memory of my second red to me. It’s what the uninitiated would call “a good red” after taking a few sips. To me, the truly inept, it tastes like a watered-down version of a middle of the road (but good) red blend.

Not overly fruity, not overly sweet or tart… it’s a red that is middle of the road in just about every way. I was able to drink the whole bottle without feeling pressure to finish. It was enjoyable the whole time, and not because it was great, instead, because it wasn’t not great. Gulpable, but also easy to sip.

If you ordered a “red wine” at Outback Steakhouse, and received a glass of Undeniable, you wouldn’t think a second thought. It’s a good red.

7/10

Disclaimer: this review is much more positive after finishing the bottle than after my first few sips.