I have been watching a lot–A LOT–of Mystery Science Theater 3000 lately. There are multiple livestreams on YouTube that just air random episodes one after another, and it’s absolutely been my go-to down time activity for the last several weeks. Not that I am often overburdened with down time running my SWO Productions empire, but I occasionally have time where nothing needs written or recorded. And in those quiet moments, it’s been time for Mike and Joel and Jonah and the ‘bots to put a smile on my face. My wife is worried I am rotting my brain out on it.
The thing is, I have always loved MST3k, ever since my childhood. No television program has ever brought me as much joy as it has. I laugh at some of my favorite sitcoms, sure, but I full-on belly laugh at Mystery Science Theater. When this show hits, it’s slugging homeruns every time at bat.
I remember watching MST3k alone at times and with my friend Evan even more often. And as I grew up, I never really stopped. I bought multiple DVDs–some single episodes and some boxed sets–when I was in my 20’s.
With my recent watching spree still going on, I figured I was ready at this point to count down my absolute favorite episodes from the franchise. But before we start, I figure I should point out a note that will soon become abundantly apparent:
I am Team Mike. I just think his episodes are, by and large, a lot funnier than Joel’s or the revival era stuff. So this list is, to put it lightly, heavily slanted towards Mike’s tenure. But I regret nothing! Let’s get into the countdown!
10. Episode 1102: “Cry Wilderness”
“Occupy log cabins!”
Full disclosure: there are probably episodes from the Honorable Mentions that I like more than Cry Wilderness. But I really wanted to have some revival/Netflix era representation on the list. There were some good episodes from that stretch; I just wasn’t a huge fan of it overall because I couldn’t get used to the new voices for Tom and Crow and Gypsy/GPC. And it felt like the jokes were TOO rapid-fire. But on the plus sides, Jonah was funny enough, and I loved Felicia Day and Patton Oswalt as the new mads. Also, having some updated pop culture references from later than the 1990’s was always appreciated.
Cry Wilderness was the second episode of this new era. A lot of folks really liked Reptilicus–the debut episode–but the first one that caught me was this one, a story of a kid in the woods befriending a bigfoot.
9. Episode 903: “The Pumaman”
“Pumaman, he flies like a moron!”
An MST3k movie that stars Halloween’s own Donald Pleasance! What more could you ask for?
The Pumaman is the first of FOUR episodes on this list from season 9 of Mystery Science Theater, so it’s easy to say that is the season I think had the best overall quality.
Pumaman is the story of a man gaining the powers of an Aztec god (but not necessarily the powers of a puma…) and having to use them to fight off a madman bent on controlling the world through the use of an ancient Aztec mask. Pumaman is… not particularly effective at his superheroics, but luckily, he has an indigenous sidekick who knows what to do. Because Pumaman really ends up as a joke in his feature debut.
8. Episode 904: “Werewolf”
“You’re right, subject doesn’t matter”.
The plainly titled Werewolf is next up on the list, and it co-stars no less than Charlie Sheen………’s uncle, Joe.
Werewolf features some of the best accents you’ll ever hear from our protagonists, as well as a villain whose hair style and color changes virtually every scene. It starts off with some archaeologists digging up the skeleton of a werewolf, and then moves on to the antagonist’s plot to get rich by… repeatedly infecting people with lycanthropy. And it turns out that werewolves aren’t very good drivers!
7. Episode 106: “The Crawling Hand”
“Max Headroom’s dad!”
This is where I’ll offend some folks. Probably no one had a real issue with my only including one episode from the Jonah years, but this, The Crawling Hand, is my only included Joel episode! I have several more in the Honorable Mentions at the end of this article, but this was the only one that made the cut to the main list. Sorry, Joel purists!
I actually bought this one on DVD when I was in college and watched it with my then-girlfriend’s roommate. So I have an affection for this episode. The story is of an astronaut who explodes upon re-entry, and whose hand lands in a small town in America and goes on a murder spree. You know, like hand do.
6. Episode 1011: “The Horrors Of Spider Island”
“The HORRORS of Spider Island!”
This was the second MST3k experience that I purchased on DVD, when I was in the my 20’s and bought a random one of the boxed sets that had four episodes included in each. I don’t remember loads about the other three movies in the set, but I LOVED The Horrors Of Spider Island.
When a dance troupe’s plane crashes over the Pacific Ocean, the women and their manager, Gary, wash up ashore on an island that seems to be their salvation… or is it?!
Even for an MST movie, the acting in Spider Island is rough. The ladies and Gary are awful, but that’s part of the charm, right?
5. Episode 816: “Prince Of Space”
“I like it very much”.
Prince Of Space follows up The Crawling Hand and The Horrors Of Spider Island as the only three black and white movies to make the ultimate cut down to the top ten. Which is strange, as there are a lot of uncolored movies in the annals of MST3k.
This movie is from our friends from Japan, and is, I guess, a kids’ movie about a boot-blacking superhero saving Earth from an alien invasion of chicken-men. Their weapons are useless against him!
The titular Prince Of Space is ridiculously overpowered… or maybe the aliens are just underpowered? Prince is never in any peril throughout the picture, even when the antagonists send a literal space giant after him.
4. Episode 907: “Hobgoblins”
“I was Tokyo Rose”.
We are back to season 9, with the infamous Hobgoblins episode. Pearl, Bobo, and Brain Guy introduce Hobgoblins as “THE Movie”. The one destined to finally break Mike and the ‘bots. I can’t say it’s the worst movie Mystery Science Theater 3000 ever covered (that’s probably destined to forever be Manos The Hands Of Fate), but it’s sure not ideal.
Hobgoblins was an 80’s creation that followed in the wake of Gremlins, Critters, and Ghoulies. It’s about tiny puppet creatures that spread havoc among a group of friends. And the scuzzy bar they all go to in the third act.
This movie is bad enough that the gang does end up trying to bail on it! But they are quickly caught by Pearl and forced to go back in and finish the film.
3. Episode 908: “The Touch Of Satan”
“Oh, okay, Miss ‘This Is Where The Fish Lives'”.
The Touch of Satan is in the rarified air where it’s so bad and ridiculous that you could almost watch it without the riffing and still laugh yourself silly. That’s what you get from a movie where one character is a walnut farmer and another character looks at a pond and announces it’s where the fish lives.
This experiment sees a young man on a trip make a detour up a side road where he meets a girl his age. The two of them strike up a relationship, seemingly against the wishes of the parental figures she lives with. Also, she may or may not be a witch!
It’s not the most widely revered or thought of episode of MST, but I discovered this one a few years ago and immediately fell in love with it. It’s just so goofy.
2. Episode 705: Escape 2000
“Colonel Mustard looks nervous!”
Speaking of experiments that aren’t frequently referred to as the favorites of others, we move onto Escape 2000, a flick I watched as a kid and friggin’ LOVED. For a long time, this was probably my single favorite until one other episode overtook it a few years back.
Escape 2000 is an Italian film (but in English) about a somewhat dystopian future where a corporation has bought up The Bronx and plans to gentrify the whole place. In the meantime, they are exterminating the undesirables who currently live there.
I’m not sure what drew this one to me as a kid, but I still laugh my tuchas off at it. Maybe it’s the fact that the hero, named TRASH, is so incompetent that he ends up going to ANOTHER hero to get parts of the job done for him.
Oh, and there’s the Toblerone laugh!
1. Episode 820: “Space Mutiny”
“I was just about to do the Monster Mash”.
Now here’s one everyone loves after the last two more obscure ones made the cut. When I told folks on social media I was making this list, one of the comments I got was “You can do it, just put your faith in Blast HardCheese!”.
Space Mutiny is a Star Wars wannabe from the late 1980’s that has nowhere near the budget of a Star War. It takes place on an interstellar ship where the security force is deciding to mutiny because they are tired of living in space.
The ship’s captain looks like Santa Claus, and his number two looks like Sting, leading to most of the jokes. Our hero is a bulkhead who screeches like a little girl. And his love interest looks to be 20 years older than he is.
I’ve seen this one several times, to the point where I have to admit it’s become my favorite.
All right, this list got us going strong, but there are plenty of Honorable Mentions, so I’m going to give those experiments their time in the sun, too:
Episode 321: “Santa Claus Conquers The Martians”
Episode 424: “Manos The Hands Of Fate”
Episode 512: “Mitchell”
Episode 706: “Laserblast”
The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Movie: “This Island Earth”
Episode 810: “Giant Spider Invasion”
Episode 822: “Overdrawn At The Memory Bank”
Episode 910: “The Final Sacrifice”
Episode 1003: “Merlin’s Shop Of Mystical Wonders”
Episode 1006: “Boggy Creek 2: And The Legend Continues”
Episode 1303: “Beyond Atlantis”
Episode 1308: “The Batwoman”
And that’s “all” I have in regards to HMs. Yeah, there was a lot. I reference back to my preamble: I really love this show.
In the comments, drop your favorite Mystery Science Theater 3000 experiment episodes! Which ones tickled your funny bone?
Until next time… take care!
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