Pizzaface – Shredder’s crazed culinary creator – had a plan to become the most powerful pizza chef ever. So he zapped himself in his Retro mutagen oven, hoping the energy would bake him with badness. But the hungry Turtle Teens burst into the parlor and pulled Pizzaface out. Now this half-baked bozo wants to get even with the Turtles for foiling his formula. All the … Continue reading Jab’s Reviews: TMNT (Pizzaface, The Mutagen Man & Muckman)

ROCKSTEADY & BEBOP:-Among the most iconic “Idiotic Henchmen” in TV history, Rocksteady & Bebop started life as a pair of goons in a vicious street gang that were sent to assault reporter April O’Neil, who was investigating the Foot Clan’s activities. A stocky blonde guy with short hair, and a skinny black punker (I hate punkers) with a purple mohawk, they were the only named … Continue reading Jab’s Reviews: TMNT (Rocksteady & Bebop)

Casey: “What is all this talk o’ spendin’ the night down here?”Donatello: “*chuckles* You’re a claustrophobic!”Casey: “*stunned*… You want a FIST in the mouth?… I never even LOOKED at another guy before!”-Donatello and Casey, who has somehow conflated claustrophic with homophobic, and homophobic with HOMOSEXUAL. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: The Movie The TMNT Movie was pretty much a hallmark of my youth- I was way … Continue reading Jab’s Reviews: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (The Movie)

Donnie, like I’ve said before, was my favorite Turtle- he wears purple and has the coolest weapon! I mean, if he wasn’t the best, then why would he be wearing purple? PLUS he’s the best guy to play in the video games! DONATELLO:-In every continuity, Donatello is the “Smart Guy”, meaning his brilliance can shift depending on the basic nature of that universe. The more … Continue reading Jab’s Reviews: The Ninja Turtles (Donatello & Michelangelo)

LEONARDO:-Leonardo is always the leader, in each continuity. Generally, this makes him the most serious member, the least emotional, and the least likely to joke around. Only in the 1987 Toon and Rise of the TMNT toon is he sillier and more of a jokester, but even then he is the leader. Leo thus adopts most of the “Generic Leader Tropes” that were becoming super-entrenched by the … Continue reading Jab’s Reviews: The Ninja Turtles (Leonardo & Raphael!)