HOLY CRAP WE ARE INTO DOUBLE DIGITS WITH THESE THINGS? WOW, I HOPE PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING THEM BECAUSE THERE IS NO END IN SIGHT! THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST!

Yep, up to double digits of Pop-Tarts! And they said I’d have died of diabetes weeks ago.

So last week, my wife and my sister-in-law (which is weird to say. I’ve never even had a real sibling in my life, so to realize that I now legally-binding siblings is a curiosity. I think I will just stick to calling her “Amanda’s sister”. Or, you know, Anna. Whatevs) were at my house making cookies. Just so many cookies they made. At one point, I ventured my way downstairs to check on them, and my wife gave me some delightful news: “Don’t worry, when we are done, we will give you the leftover batter”.

Well, like a daytime talk show host and a would-be baby-daddy, this proved to be a malicious lie. I received no cookie batter! The cookie batter was a lie! I hadn’t really thought about it until now, but hmph. I am bitter, it seems. I was promised, but ultimately deceived. Cruel fate!

Pop-Tarts, though! Right!

I have entered a stretch of Pop-Tarts that smell like a dream. Chocolate Caramel, Maple Bacon, and now these? Just opening the package on any of these has been a delight. However, the actual taste of the first two was unfortunate. A lot to be desired there, Maple Bacon and Fake Caramello! So it was with some trepidation that I dug into these tarts. You have to remember… I have been betrayed by Kellogg’s before.

But, nope. These were pretty darn good. Also, puffy? Which is weird. They have, like, a bump in the middle? It’s hard to explain. They swell. Most Pop-Tarts are, you know, flat. Straight out to the horizon. But these ones had something of an incline and descent in the middle. Gradual. Don’t ride your breaks down this Pop-Tart. I don’t really know what I’m talking about anymore. The point is, I think these Pop-Tarts are pregnant. 

Taste: 

A : That’s a good popped tart!

Texture: 

B+: Swirly fake icing! I like that so much more than any of the versions of sprinkles I have come across. 

Remember That Time My Wife Gave Me The Leftover Cookie Dough?: 

F- : Because she didn’t.

Toasted-to-Untoasted ratio: 

51%? : So, I was reading an article online as I ate the designated Untoasted tart from this box, and I barely remember anything about it. It wasn’t particularly insulting to my taste buds, though, so it must be that bad?

Overall: 

A-ish. 

Oh, hey! Let’s update those standings. 

1) Chocolate Peanut Butter

2) Hot Fudge Sundae

3) Confetti Cupcake

4) Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

5) Chocolate Chip

6) Wildlicious Cherry

7) Chocolate Caramel

8) Chocolatey Strawberry

9) That weird Wild Blue Raspberry one.  

10) Maple Bacon. Hey! You know what? When I went to the store today, this one wasn’t there anymore. Kellogg’s knows what they’ve done.