POP-TARTS ARE FOREVER. POP-TARTS ARE A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND. BLOOD POP-TARTS. TWO KARAT POP-TARTS. WAIT, NONE OF THESE SOUND RIGHT. THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST!
I know I have given Pop-Tarts some crap in the past over flavors like Pink Lemonade, Orange Crush, and A&W Root Beer because drinks aren’t food. But what if they kind of split the difference?
Milkshakes! Milkshakes are the food of drinks! Think about it: they are thick, sometimes you need a utensil to consume them, and… okay, that’s probably it. But it’s closer to being a food substance than root beer, so you have to encourage this positive step forward. You’re figuring this whole thing out, Pop-Tarts! Good on you! Gold star.
“Strawberry milkshake” isn’t a flavor. I mean… it’s already got a flavor right in its name. Strawberry! Strawberry milkshake is just taking something that is already a flavor and calling it a new flavor. It’s just taking one step removed from that original flavor. It’s the Seven Degrees of Kevin Strawberry; how far removed can we get? Strawberry lollipop milkshake ice cream jam Pop-Tarts? Doesn’t it all just come back to… “strawberry”? I feel like it’s is just cheating the system at this point.
The difference here being that there already are Strawberry Pop-Tarts, and these shooken milk strawberry Tarts are… vastly superior. As would be expected, we are back to the creamy insides as opposed to typical Pop-Tart sludge, and you KNOW I appreciate that. Also, they brought back the jimmies which… do people put jimmie sprinkles in milkshakes? Is that a thing? Why are they the topping of choice here? Doesn’t seem wildly appropriate.
A : These were delightful. I mean, I guess I was wrong. Regular Strawberry Pop-Tarts are, like, a C+. So somehow dissociating the original flavor by 1 degree IS an improvement.
A+ : Creamy goo! And Jimmies! And it’s so girlishly pink!
Being the 1950’s:
D+ : I mean, that’s what milkshakes are for, right? Kids in malt shops reading their Archie comics for a nickel? I still drink milkshakes…
A : This was a strong Pop-Tart, yo. I’d eat these all day!
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