I’m supposed to make a witty Stranger Things pop culture reference here, aren’t I?

Like… “Oh, an Eggo flavored Pop-Tart! That’s one of the Stranger Things I’ll see today! I bet the flavor is turned up to Eleven!”

(Actually, that… that was good. I should have just led off with that after all)

Anyway, the reason I was reluctant to do so initially is because I don’t watch Stranger Things. So whereas I’m PRETTY sure Eggos are somewhat relevant to the show, I’m not 100% sure. And I’d hate to try to be witty on just a guess.

And yet… I kind of did anyway.

So here we are.

You’d think I’d research these better. Bitch, please. All the research I do is in eating these things.

Anyway, sure. Breakfast flavored breakfast. Why not? I actually very much hope this was as weird cross-promotion, and Eggo made Pop-Tarts flavored Eggo’s for a spell. What would those taste like? Well, it could literally be ANYTHING since that’s what the entire Pop-Tart Quest is about. Hot Fudge Sundae Flavored Pop-Tarts Flavored Eggo’s. The mind reels! How is that different that just Hot Fudge Sundae flavored Eggo’s? Who knows?! In the same way we have had Strawberry flavored Pop-Tarts AND Strawberry MILKSHAKE flavored Pop-Tarts! We’re already dealing with utter nonsense here. How far down the rabbit hole can we go?

Okay, here’s what I’ve learned. The more you type the word “Eggo”, the more you slowly lose grasp of your sanity. EGGO is a nonsense word, and after typing it three times, your brain just actively starts to reject the idea. It goes, “No, this is silliness, and I can’t deal”, and then you start seeing pink bunnies hopping about your room. But don’t worry, because Peter and Flopsy are very friendly and assure me they mean me no harm.

You see that part of the box where it says “EGGO” and then underneath it, it says “Frosted Maple Flavor”? THAT’S CHEATING. You are just Maple-flavored then! Kellogg’s is just insidiously trying to brainwash us with its ubiquitous branding to the point where we can’t–

What?

Oh!

Flopsy says no, it’s okay. Enjoy delicious Eggo’s. You can even love them Upside-Down.

(Okay, that’s all the Stranger Things references I know)

TASTE: C

Adequately adequate. I think it’s a brain thing. I didn’t REALLY taste maple here; I tasted, like, bland waffle with a bit of sweetness.

FROSTING: D-

The white and yellow actively made me think of eggs, and I don’t love eggs!

STRANGER THINGS: B-?

I dunno. I watched the pilot and that was it. I’m sure it’s fine. I hate how EVERYTHING is set in the 1980’s because of it now, though.

WAFFLES: C-

Just eat a pancake like a sane person. Who wants a weird, crispy pancake? Pancakes are supposed to be soft and fluffy and delightful. Why are we making them hard? This is stupid. ACTUALLY, I take it back: just eat French Toast. It’s the superior breakfast option.

OVERALL: A-

Wait, that GPA doesn’t shake out at ALL. That said, I’m impressed with the branding. Kellogg’s flavored Kellogg’s! Tony The Tiger is smiling somewhere.