GOD BLESS DISCOUNT STORES SELLING OLD STUFF! THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST!

Woo! Almost missed this one!

For whatever reason, I haven’t seen a “new” Pop-Tart flavor in quite some time, and I was beginning to think the PTQ might have had to have taken a hiatus after last week’s venture. But nope! Thanks to a local discount store, I found last year’s Halloween Pop-Tarts for a fraction of the price! I have no standards for what I put in my gut, so here we are!

Neither of the Tarts I ate have looked like that pumpkin design. I should have taken a picture, I guess, but both I ate just had little comics printed on them about Pop-Tarts being eaten by kids or whatever. The print also was not as clear as the one that box, as the comics were barely legible. I feel like this box is lying to me! Turn up the darkness on your printer setting Pop-Tarts! Your toner is running out.

I’m two seconds away from turning this review into a “NEED MAGENTA” meme, but frankly, the PTQ has higher standards than that.

So yeah, these are just chocolate fudge Pop-Tarts. Kind of a letdown as far as the Quest goes because we ALL KNOW what those taste like. But not a letdown for me as an eater of breakfast because they are a tried and true classic for a reason. I enjoy chocolate fudge Pop-Tarts so much more than I like actual fudge, and that’s probably a deficiency on my own part. You know what? No. I will defend this. Fudge Pop-Tart sludge has a better consistency than real fudge, which… does that weird crumbly thing? I don’t know; I don’t like it. Like it’s rotting away in my mouth. Blech.

Eating real fudge always makes me feel like I have found a miniature ancient civilization, and then I ate it. And as I chew it, it crumbles into dust like something out of The Mummy in my mouth. Fudgehotep, the sand creature of chocolate treats! I don’t care for it.

Pop-Tart sludge is gooey and moist! That’s so much better!

Taste:

A : You’ve had these; you know.

Legible cartooning:

D : I mean… I guess it’s better than Herpes-Infected Bane, but…

Halloween?:

C+: The icing is orange… I guess. And that’s a Halloween color? But I haven’t seen any thematic cartoons yet. Maybe later?

Toasted-to-Untoasted ratio:

85%: Gotta toast these, man. The untoasted ones just don’t taste “done” for whatever reason. Like old cookie dough.

Overall:

B- : I feel like these were a trick, but they weren’t the only Halloween themed Tarts I got, and next week is an irregular flavor I PROMISE.