Pop-Tart Quest: Snickerdoodles

Look, Pop-Tarts, you have officially gone too far.

I’ve stood by you through a lot of flavors. A LOT at this point. You’ve given us some divine treats and some absolutely putrid tarts. I see that you are willing to throw anything and everything at the wall in order to see what will drive sales. And I respect that! You are a creative force; I am a creative force. I, too, have more ideas than I have the time or sense to work with them.

But I’m not sure I can stand by this abomination. This is just too far out of bounds! Dog-flavored Pop-Tarts is not only disgusting, it’s inhumane, and what’s more–


A Cookie?

No, I’m pretty sure it’s a dog. Like one of those off-brand crosses–

Are you sure?

A cookie, though? Do you mean like the candy bar?

No? A cookie, huh?

The picture on the box is a Red Lobster roll, though.

That’s a cookie?

Well if you say so… I didn’t really know what dogs had to do with Red Lobster anyway…)

I guess these did taste surprisingly dog-free. I’m not going to lie, when I first ate these, I was like “Wow, cross-breed dogs are delicious!”. I’m glad to see I was wrong on this.

I still don’t know what a “Snickerdoodle” is. I don’t love the name. We already have dogs named “–doodles” and treats named “Snickers”. These cookies being apparently neither canine nor nougat leave me a bit perplexed. I guess, based on flavor and Google, it turns out that “Snickerdoodle” essentially just means “cinnamon”, and HOLY GOD are there are a lot of different kinds of ways to put cinnamon in a damn Pop-Tart. This is, like, the third in a row! I just did Churros and Apple Fritter, man.

Get a new gimmick, Pop-Tarts!

Also: Churros and fritters and doodles… I’m kind of over having to research what the hell it is I am eating. Remember when Pop-Tarts were, like, “Strawberry Milkshake” or “Chocolatey Caramel”? I knew right away what those were.

Next Pop-Tart is gonna be called, like, “Ambidextrous Toads”, and I’m going to discover that’s some kind of German dessert delicacy.

Made with cinnamon, no doubt.


You know what? I liked these. But I’m downgrading it out of the “A” range just because OH MY GOD with the cinnamon already.


No hard plastic frosting! These are mostly naked Tarts, just dusted with cinnamon. I appreciate!


I mean, I’m a cat person, so that’s me. Seems weird to spend a ton of money on a dog that is just a mutt, but I guess ALL dogs were just mutts at some point. Adopt, though. Don’t shop!

(He says, owning a Maine Coon)


Hot Take: Snickers are a mid-tier candybar at best. But that’s just my preference: I don’t like peanuts in things. Peanuts by themselves? Great! Other things? Great! Peanuts in Other Things? Not for me.


Never underestimate how superior unfrosted Pop-Tarts are.

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