Pop-Tart Quest: Halloween Fudge

GOD BLESS DISCOUNT STORES SELLING OLD STUFF! THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST! Woo! Almost missed this one! For whatever reason, I haven’t seen a “new” Pop-Tart flavor in quite some time, and I was beginning to think the PTQ might have had to have taken a hiatus after last week’s venture. But nope! Thanks to a local discount store, I found last year’s Halloween Pop-Tarts for … Continue reading Pop-Tart Quest: Halloween Fudge

Pop-Tart Quest: Watermelon

SINCE THE DAWN OF POP-TART QUEST, ONE TART HAS STRUCK DIRE FEAR INTO OUR BREAKFAST WARRIOR’S HEART. TODAY, HE FACES THAT FEAR. THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST! Okay, yeah. So yeah. Yep. I mean… ultimately, how bad could a Pop-Tart be? They are sugar and sludge and shell. It’s not landing the Hindenburg; it’s breakfast! Like, even the WORST Pop-Tart has still be okay, right? Right? … Continue reading Pop-Tart Quest: Watermelon

Pop-Tart Quest: Vanilla Milkshake

YOU MIGHT THINK POP-TART QUEST IS OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK NIOW, BUT YOU’D BE WRONG. WEEKS AREN’T THE SAME THING AS YEARS. YOU REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER. THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST! Pop-Tarts are one of the most unpleasant foods in the world to eat when you have mouth ulcers! It’s the perfect storm of pain: the hot gooey inside can burn an already sensitive area; … Continue reading Pop-Tart Quest: Vanilla Milkshake

Pop-Tart Quest: Strawberry Milkshake

POP-TARTS ARE FOREVER. POP-TARTS ARE A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND. BLOOD POP-TARTS. TWO KARAT POP-TARTS. WAIT, NONE OF THESE SOUND RIGHT. THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST! I know I have given Pop-Tarts some crap in the past over flavors like Pink Lemonade, Orange Crush, and A&W Root Beer because drinks aren’t food. But what if they kind of split the difference? Milkshakes! Milkshakes are the food of … Continue reading Pop-Tart Quest: Strawberry Milkshake

Pop-Tart Quest: Splitz Part 2

NO PICTURESQUE FOOD THIS WEEK; WE’RE BACK TO POP-TARTS THAT DO NOT DOUBLE AS FINE ART. THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST! More smooshing! Pop-Tarts loves to release things thematically nowadays; they do very few solo releases that I can remember in recent months. The Orange Crush and Root Beer flavors came in tandem, and so did these Splitz (also: the two next flavors on the list … Continue reading Pop-Tart Quest: Splitz Part 2

Pop-Tart Quest: DC Villains

NOW THIS IS WHAT IT’S LIKE WHEN WORLDS COLLIIIIIIIIIDE!! ARE YOU READY TO TART? CAUSE I’M READY TO TART… WAIT, SORRY. BUT YES, OUR COMIC BOOK PODCAST WEBSITE THAT REGULARLY REVIEWS POP-TARTS IS ABOUT TO CROSS THE STREAMS, BABY! THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST! I mentioned these last week, and I alluded to getting around to talking about them someday, but I thought “No, my readers … Continue reading Pop-Tart Quest: DC Villains

Pop-Tart Quest: Orange Crush

POP-TART QUEST BEING OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE, IT IS FINDING A REBELLIOUS STREAK! IT DOESN’T ALWAYS WANT TO EAT SLUDGE-FILLED PASTRIES! MAYBE IT WANTS A NICE SCRAMBLED EGG! YOU’RE NOT EVEN ITS REAL DAD! STILL, THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST! So, A&W Root Beer flavored Pop-Tarts were pretty bad. I would never recommend those to anyone ever. But did you know that, like a fine, aged … Continue reading Pop-Tart Quest: Orange Crush

Pop-Tart Quest: A&W Root Beer

NOT ALL POP-TARTS ARE GOOD, BUT THAT DOES NOT MATTER! ALL POP-TARTS MUST BE TRIED! NO MATTER HOW INTIMIDATING IT IS! THAT’S HOW WE FIND OUT WHAT WILL KILL US, RIGHT? THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST! Remember those blue Pop-Tarts? No one expected them to be good. I mean, I just LOOKED at those and thought “Well, I hate myself, so this is probably what I deserve”. … Continue reading Pop-Tart Quest: A&W Root Beer

Pop-Tart Quest: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

HOLY CRAP WE ARE INTO DOUBLE DIGITS WITH THESE THINGS? WOW, I HOPE PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING THEM BECAUSE THERE IS NO END IN SIGHT! THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST! Yep, up to double digits of Pop-Tarts! And they said I’d have died of diabetes weeks ago. So last week, my wife and my sister-in-law (which is weird to say. I’ve never even had a real sibling … Continue reading Pop-Tart Quest: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

Pop-Tart Quest: Red Velvet & Cinnamon Roll

YOU’VE SEEN A MAN EAT TWO POP-TARTS AT ONCE. AND WHILE YOU THOUGHT IT COULD NOT BE DONE, NOW YOU CAN BEHOLD ONE HUMAN, MORTAL MAN TAKE ON THE CHALLENGE OF FOUR POP-TARTS! THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST! Ohhhhh god. I’ve never eaten four Pop-Tarts at once before. This was a mistake. I regret this. For years, I have wondered, “How will I die? What will … Continue reading Pop-Tart Quest: Red Velvet & Cinnamon Roll

Pop-Tart Quest: Cookies & Creme

WHEN LAST WE LEFT OUR BREAKFAST BARBARIAN, HE WAS… YOU KNOW… EATING POP-TARTS. OBVIOUSLY. BOY, THIS IS REALLY SIMPLISTIC WHEN YOU THINK OF IT. THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST! I live by a theory that you can clearly delineate foods by breaking them into two lists: Foods That Are Better Than Things Flavored After Them, and Foods Where The Flavor Is Better Than The Actual Food. … Continue reading Pop-Tart Quest: Cookies & Creme

Pop-Tart Quest: Maple Bacon

YOU KNOW WHAT NO ONE HAS EVER DONE? A TOASTER STRUDEL QUEST. BECAUSE TOASTER STRUDELS WEREN’T ACTUALLY THAT GOOD. REMEMBER TOASTER STRUDELS? YOU PROBABLY DON’T EVEN!  THIS IS… POP-TART QUEST! Dear Internet, Bacon is pretty great, right? I think we all agree on that. There is just something about the greasy, salty, crispy properties of bacon that make it a nigh universally beloved food. It … Continue reading Pop-Tart Quest: Maple Bacon